Loneliness

Warm Up: 2 Corinthians 13:11-14, 1 John 1:6-7

The summer after my freshman year I had an exciting opportunity to work for FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Before beginning the job, I envisioned myself flying on a helicopter to emergency sites and saving the day, just like James Bond or the Mission Impossible guy. Unfortunately, the job did not turn out exactly as I predicted. I sat in a warehouse and did tech support for a newly developed program. I did get a laugh from the fact that a philosophy and speech communication major was doing tech-support, but hey, that was what paid the bills. Despite the lack of helicopter rides or exciting theme music, I still had a great experience because I could travel around to different cities in the Southeast, staying in hotels and eating out all the time. Sometimes this routine became a little dull, but I had a great deal of time to sit and hang out with God too, which is always a positive thing.

One thing I learned much about on these trips was loneliness. During some weeks, I was the only worker under the age of thirty. Needless to say, there were not many fun adventures to be had with my co-workers. Occasionally, a couple of guys in there twenties showed up and I could eat lunch and sometimes dinner with them, but most of the time I ate by myself in a sit-down restaurant. My loneliness was bearable, however. If I was having trouble in Mississippi or Alabama I could always count on the fact that fellowship was just a phone call away, or that I would be home soon and see my friends again. It did, however, give me a small taste of what loneliness is like, and to be honest with you, it completely reeks.

The amount of loneliness I experienced that summer was nothing compared to what truly lonely people experience everyday. They simply have no one to turn to. There is no weekend to look forward to, there are no friends to return to, and there is no one to call when you are struggling. There is just a lonely person, by themselves and alone.

During my second week at FEMA a USA Today article came out that discussed American loneliness (the article was by Janet Kornblum on June 22). The story dealt with the number of close friends, or confidants, the average American has. In the last twenty years, that number has dropped from three friends down to two friends. The article also said that one in four people have absolutely no one they feel safe confiding in, and that eighty percent of Americans confide only in family members. Although many people are friendly, few seem to be looking for true friendships.

This article completely blew me away. Maybe I am just really, really blessed, because I know several people I can confide in. The idea of not being able to go to anyone when I have a problem or need advice or just want a good old-fashioned hug scared the junk out of me. Some people probably read this and think the same thing I do, but then again, many others know exactly what it is like to not have anyone they can confide in and are almost relieved to know they are not the only lonely people in America.

God did not intend for us to be alone. He created Eve for Adam, brought Jonathan to be friends with David, Jesus had a group of twelve disciples, and the Trinity is a picture of perfect community. The church body is another example of a place that needs to be a fellowship of people who love each other and encourage each other. If the church ceases to be a community, it becomes a boring place you feel guilty for not wanting to attend.

Arriving at college, especially if you attend a major University, is very intimidating. There are literally thousands of people you will not know and all of them are out to find themselves. If you blink, you can become a simple face in the crowd or lose touch with who you really are.

The first couple weeks at college are extremely exciting. Every person is a fresh face and everyone is out to make friends. Random people sit with other random people in dining halls, different people pop into dorm rooms everyday, and there is a general buzz about the entire campus. I strongly encourage that you take advantage of this time to meet as many new people as you can. Approach people with boldness, because most likely they are also seeking to make new friends. But do not be satisfied with merely getting to know someone’s major and place of birth, be willing to dig deep. Seek out people who can become your close friends and confidants and invest in them. Quite frankly, you will not enjoy college if you have a thousand acquaintances and zero best friends. But if you have two or ten best friends who you can always count on, you will probably love college more than any other time of your life.

One last note about loneliness: building an authentic relationship with someone who is not a Christian is some of the best evangelism you can do. If someone is lonely and you reach out to them, you will change their world. When someone trusts you and knows you care for them, they are going to be much more willing to listen to you and follow your life example. The flip side of this can be a danger for you, however. The closer you get to a non-believer, the more likely you can be to fall into some of their sinful habits. Safeguard yourself by spending time with God every day and keeping in touch with good Christian friends. If you know you are going to be tempted too much by hanging out with a particular person, then do not stay around them for too long. Keep in touch with them and let them know you care about them, but do not let them have a negative influence on you.

The reason I say this is because ultimately, our loneliness or contentment in relationships is based in God. If we let our earthly friendships hurt the way we relate to God we will never be satisfied. The number one thing you can do to avoid loneliness, and the number one thing you can encourage others to do, is maintain a strong relationship with the author of love and fellowship. If you do this, people will see the joy in your life and want to be around you all the time. Reach out to people and build relationships, but reach out to God first, and you will be amazed at the level of community you can experience.

Click for original USA Today article.